It's a Christmas miracle that I haven't bitchslapped a stranger yet

Okay, I know I am technically Jewish and I don't even celebrate Christmas but I am extremely excited for the Christmas season this year.

Normally all the holiday songs and cheer and goodwill and all that shit really bothers me. I don't like people, and I certainly do not like people I don't know talking to me or asking me for spare change. But this year, and maybe because I am getting to be an adult (haha!), I am really pumped for all the lights, Christmas music (Mostly Sinatra and such), store window displays, snow, and especially all the cheeriness and goodwill (not by me though).

Whatever it is, I am so psyched right now for the season.

Fat people normally gross me out, but fat people dressed up like Santa? Awesome.

Reindeer usually terrify me and I have to sleep with the lights on when I have the reindeer dreams. But Christmas reindeer? Electrifying!

Homeless people begging for change on the subway normally makes me sad. But homeless dudes begging for change and adding "it's Christmas season"? Well, actually, that still makes me feel bad.

But I think you get the point - I am geared the ef up for Christmas.

Oh, and Hanukkah too. Right, My peoples' holiday. I am excited about that too.

Seriously, I don't know why that is this year. Maybe because NYC gets so "Miracle on 34th Street" this time of year. But I am buzzing with anticipation and excitement for all that stuff.

I want to do all that stupid holiday stuff that you see people in those sappy Christmas movies doing. I want to go ice skating, shopping, bake cookies (well, I'm excited to eat Christmas cookies anyway), decorate a tree, slap a stranger, hear Christmas music in stores and elevators...

I may even get a tree in my apartment this year. Shit, I may even put those little, what are they called... "lights" on it.

Now don't get me wrong, I still am not likely going to buy gifts for anyone or do anything special to show my excitement and cheer. No, I want to make sure I continue to put off that angry teenager vibe all the time and that no one knows how happy and excited I really am about all this shit. But I on the inside, rest assured, I am glowing with cheer, goodwill and Christmas spirit. Well, as much as any Jew can.

Ugh, how sugary was that? I think I need to go puke now.