Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Be The Ball, Danny, Not a Fucktard.

Holy shit boys and girls!

Hi There!! Oh how I've missed you.

Where have you been? What’s that? Oh me? Well…

Along with the promotion at work, they expect a lot more effort (and even worse, more work) from me lately. I have to, like, do stuff. A lot of it.

(let me get this straight: I get paid a lot more, you want me to actually do more? I’d almost rather go back to the old way thank you very much)

On top of being busy with work I am in the process of moving. Sounds awesome, right? It’s not.

Not even a little bit.

I am currently staying with friends of mine in a spare bedroom that I literally cannot stand up in unless I am standing on my bed.

It’s a very tiny room in case you didn’t pick up on that point.

Lately I work all day (and really hard too, totally bullshit I know), then I leave work and go look for apartments with scummy brokers and people who lie about the size of their advertised apartment (btw, those two are NOT mutually exclusive).

In addition to that, I just had to write two articles for a magazine that a dear friend of mine publishes. She rules, the magazine rules too and I’m glad they are starting to print it again. But my creative juices (ick!) have been sapped lately by the lack of energy (work and apartment searching) and any remaining writingness (shut up, it is a word) I have in me has been going to crafting two of the most choice articles no one will ever read.

You want to know the worst part? I haven’t even been able to READ other blogs… I think my reader has like 1200 unreads in it. Sweet, I can’t wait to dive into that.

I haven’t been to the gym in like two weeks, I have no free time at work anymore, and I think I am beginning to re-develop a serious painkiller addiction.

Where am I?

I feel like I am in some weird time warp too (side note: How about freaking LOST? Too awesome and too long to get into now, but damn what an awesome show) where weeks are just peeling off the calendar. I can’t believe it’s the middle of February. I feel like Helmet Week was a few days ago.

(Ed Note: Three Weeks!?!? I just noticed my last post was January 23rd. I can't believe three weeks have gone by. Oh wow...)

Also, I think they are monitoring my Internet usage at work now. So… Hi there IT guys!!

Other than that, things have been going great!

Lately I have been thinking of incorporating a new word into my everyday vocabulary. Check that. I already use it, but I’m thinking of making it official: Fucktard.

As in, “dude, stop acting like such a Fucktard before I bitchslap you in front of everyone.”

What do you think? You like it?

If not you’re a Fucktard and I will slap you.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Friday Video Fun

I've been crazy busy with work again lately. The good news is that I am finally feeling it again. I have sort hit my stride again lately and am feeling good about work and working. I still am aware that I don't want to get stuck in the life-long rut or whatever, but I am good with where I'm at right now. At least for the time being.

Things at work are insane-o busy, which makes me feel good about the job and makes the time go by so fast it's like I'm stuck on an island with other survivors of a plane crash...

Speaking of time travel and crashing planes... How about the LOST premiere? I missed it on Wednesday due to a long ass story that I will relay soon. But I watched that shit on DVR last night and Wow. Just wow.

Best show ever?


Anyway, in the spirit of having fun and being reckless and irresponsible (me? nah...) here's a video for your Friday enjoyment (although it's freaking late already, so maybe for your Monday enjoyment. Whatevs).

This is one of my all time favorite videos. It's just pure fun, dangerous and intricate.


Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

We Have To Go Back

LOST starts again tonight.

I am shitting kittens in anticipation.

Freaking out would be a gross understatement.

It's all I can think about today.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

You Stay Classy, America

What an awesome day!

We have a new President.

Bush is out and Obama is in.

Fuck yeah!

I am so excited for a change in the way this country is run, a breath of fresh air into American politics.

Obama's inauguration speech was great, I hope you saw it.

You know what kind of balls (I mean courage) and integrity it takes to give your first address as President and basically say, "We're in the middle of a horrendous shitstorm, but things will be okay in the long run if we make smart decisions and try harder than we have been lately."

That is the kind of honesty and integrity that has been missing from that office for eight years.

For eight years all we have been hearing is, "we are winning, things are going well and that everything is fine."

Obama is the kind of leader who will motivate people to try harder, to do better, and to help affect that change we all want to see.

Barack Obama: He has a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so fine they made Sinatra look like a hobo. In other words, Barack Obama is the balls.

Here's to our new President, Barack Obama. It's about time.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Friday Video Fun

In the spirit of getting things back to normal around here, it's time for you know what...

Damn right.

The weekend.

And also Video Fun. You know, since it's Friday and all.

I am starting the apartment hunt in earnest now - looking for a place in Manhattan. I can't move until February 15th because I am a broke bitch and I need to wait for my bonus (which comes a convenient two months after Christmas) and my raise to kick in. The bright side is I make enough now (or will soon) to afford to live by myself. And I love myself. Constantly.

Let me express to you how horrible it is to look for apartments in NYC.

First of all in order to even find a place worth living in you pretty much have to pay a broker's fee. That's basically a fee of $2000 for someone with access to apartment listings to refax your info to the landlord for you.


Did I mention rent is at least $1500/month to live in a shoebox? That's if I get lucky and find a cheap place to live.

Now I get to deal with apartment brokers showing me small places in old, gross buildings and trying to get me to into apartments I don't like. Good thing I'm a crabby, spoiled, picky person who doesn't mind telling a broker they have to actually earn their fee by showing me 900+ apartments this month.


Unfortunately I am the kind of spoiled, crabby person who isn't patient enough to actually go look at that many places. So here I am starting the hunt for a new apartment.

That being said, while I'm not excited to look for a place and to actually move, I am excited to live somewhere new and to not commute an hour each way on the subway every day.

(I'm not sure if I've mentioned before my extreme contempt for the F train. No? Oh, well I dislike it immensely. True story.)

OK, so wish me luck on the apartment search. I will leave you with this video...

I honestly don't even know what to say about this, just watch it.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Dude Abides

I am sorry I haven't been writing at all lately. I feel like my world has been turned upside down or something. I am not sure what to do at this point and aside from being insanely busy with the new role at work, I am simply feeling left without any inspiration or unique (or funny) thoughts at all.

I need to stop writing posts saying I haven't been writing and apologizing for being absent, but I really do feel like I am abandoning friends of mine (you, of course!). So, I will make a bigger effort to start writing more.

Seriously, I will. We're still cool, right?

I am kind of worried at this point that I won't get back on track and start thinking like myself again. Then again, I am optimistic that this might be the kind of realization period I need to go through to "find myself" again.

(I can't believe I just said I need to "find myself", ugh... But I really am feeling lost inside my own head lately)

Ever since my friend died a few weeks ago, I have really started to think about what I am doing in my life, what direction I'm headed in and what direction I want to be headed in (and about him, a lot, which has been really, really tough). Pretty much since then I have either been on a sickening, hair-twisting bender or thinking deeply about life and stuff. The weirdest part? He would be a great person to turn to right now and while he would totally make fun of me for asking, he would surely give me some solid, borderline prophetic advice about what to do (probably something like: Shut the fuck up and let's go ski).

I touched on it in my last post, which was forever ago (again, sorry for being a dick, I still love you) and I got some solid advice from you all, thanks. Most of the (really kind and insightful) words were pretty logical thoughts - essentially to find that direction or passion inside myself and (ready for another sick cliché) to follow my dreams. And also it seems that a lot of people are in the same boat, which makes me feel better for not being a spoiled, crazy fucktard.

Misery loves company.

I am on a role with the stale clichés today, huh?

The problem is, I have no fucking clue what my dreams even are. I don't know who I want to be or what I want to do.

And at this point, I am working (admittedly a super awesome job as far as jobs go) a job I'm not sure that I love (I do actually really like my job most of the time). I definitely do not dislike my job at all; it's great for the most part. I just don't like to work - or maybe I don't like to feel like I am trapped doing the thing that everyone is "supposed" to do.

I don't know.

What I do know is that I am working at a job I don't have an insane passion for right now. Well, actually I kind of do but I just feel like I have no passion for anything right now, which is probably a more realistic assessment of the situation; I'm kind of numb lately. And all that keeps happening is people telling me how great I am at this job and me getting promoted. So, I am probably doing something right.

Or I am just that innately awesome and everything I do is so far superior to everyone else's work- I can't even finish that, it's simply so untrue it hurts to type it.

Either way, what I am doing right now in my life (or with my life, whatever...) is fine. But that's just it - it's fine with small flashes of greatness every now and then. I know I am destined for something amazing and so ultra-super-duper-party-patrol-fucking rad that right now I feel like I may just be wasting time trying to figure out what it is. But (and here's the real headfucker) what if this is a necessary step to figuring out what I want to do? What if this is what I need to be doing right now to find myself.

(Really? Twice in one post? Wow.)

I just don't get how so many people can be (or at least seem to be) happy doing what they do when it looks to me like they (we) are all doing the same damn thing.

I don't even know where I am going with all this. I need to figure out what the F I want to do. Or not. Maybe I just need to be content with what I am doing for the time being. But that's how people get stuck running the race, getting caught in the rut - the work, marriage, kids, gross/old rut.

Am I running out of time or am I laying the groundwork for some sort of elevation of consciousness or at least some frame of mind where I can think somewhat objectively about who I am and which direction to start heading in? Because at this point, I am turning around in circles treading water with my eyes closed.

[Ed Note: The spacing is all weird, I know. But no matter how many times I edit it and try to fix it the edits won't stick and nothing changes. So, sorry if it looks sloppy and oddly spaced - it's Blogger not me.]

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

There is no Spoon

Wow. I haven’t been here in a while. Sorry about that. Helmet Week 2008 really took the wind out of me.

But you are the wind beneath my wings.

Seriously. You are.

Helmet Week is over and I am paying for it dearly right now. I am so sick from the abuse my body (and mind) endured during said week, and all the…uh, stuff I may or may not have…uh, ingested. Dig?

I got effed the eff up. For real. And now I am having the flu and trying to habituate and adjust back into normal life. Not cool dude. So not cool.

On top of that I have a ridiculous amount of work to do now. You know how I got promoted before I left? Well, it seems that they expect me to do more work since they’re now paying me more. WTF is that about, right? Did I just type WTF?

(OMG, I just LOL’ed in my pants.)

And technically, since the paperwork hasn’t gone through, they aren’t paying me more yet. I’m just working harder and being sicker. And not in a good way.

The past two days (wow, has it only been two days since I came back to earth? Help me) have been so rough, it has got me thinking - which is generally pretty dangerous. Why should I work? I dislike it immensely I think. I would so much rather not do anything than have to wake up early, commute (on the bane of my existence, the F train, no less), work, rinse, repeat.

The odd thing is: I have an AWESOME job. I mean everything about it is great as far as jobs go – other than the whole waking up, commuting to get here, etc part. I have the best boss ever, the people I work with are fantastic, I get paid enough to not be homeless, and I don’t ever stay late. Like ever. My job rules; I just dislike working in general.

Working after two weeks of super extreme party patrol and being sick when you come back is even worse. Trust me, I died a little this week.

I have also been thinking about the path I am on. The path I used to be on. The path so many people end up taking in life...

How come so many people follow the cookie cutter path? School > Work > Marriage > Kids > Being old and gross and probably playing a lot of golf (Encore: Tweeprise>Death)?

I used to live such a righteous and groovy life. I followed the Phish band; I skied and threw myself off of massive cliffs everyday before drinking myself into an ulcer. Now I work in a cubicle?

I actually got excited today about moving into my new cube.

Let me repeat that: Cube*.

I shouldn’t be psyched about that, should I? I used to get psyched about a big second set opener, or a 14 inch snowstorm overnight (that’s what she said!). Now it’s come to this?

I remember thinking about how I would never be one of those people who ran the rat race and sold out to the man. Shit, I am like one step away from becoming the man now. And not in a good way.

How the shit did this happen?

What do I do now? Do I bail on all this (all this what? I don't have THAT much going for me)? Do I move back to Colorado and start skiing again? Maybe a beach in Indonesia? I mean, Phish is coming back soon... I am so worried I am going to spend my whole life running on this hamster wheel and not realizing I wasted my life doing until I am old and gross.

Or have I realized it already?

I don’t know if I am moving down this path because that’s what people are “supposed” to do, and since I’ve never been one for doing the things I am supposed to do, I am trying to make up for it now. Or if I was on the cool path and lost a fucking wheel and have veered onto the “normal” path of supposedness somehow.

OMG, WTF… I am having an existential meltdown. I used to be cool and awesome. Now I am totally in the Matrix. And not in a good way.

Morpheus, hook me up with the blue pill dude, stat.

Ten days of relentless helmetness (yeah it rhymes fool!) and I start questioning it all. Or maybe it’s the three days of helmetlessness since then. But man, I either need to find a way to never work or start thinking seriously about what I really want to do in life. Actually those things might be one in the same.

Hi, I missed you.

*My new desk is actually pretty sweet. I’m just saying…

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Helmet Week 2008

Helmet week 2008 is in full swing. I thought I would be posting more during this long stretch of time off of work, but obviously I have been absent. Sorry about that. I really do still love you and cherish our relationship. 

You're not still mad are you?

I could give you all sorts of excuses about how I've been busy taking advantage of not working and how I'm accomplishing all those things I don't normally have time to do. But the truth is I am hanging on to the last few brain cells I own right now. 

Helmet week, for those that don't already know, is that grand week or so between Christmas and New Years when people are feeling festive, people are in town visiting and ready to party. I love this stretch at the end of the year. I pretty much go nuts. 

Helmet week is official. So far I've blacked out (twice), fallen over, eaten ice cream for breakfast, stayed up for more than 24 hours, and puked in a rental car. Game on. 

Jesus, I just reread that. If anyone knows a good rehab facility please let me know, it might be that time. 

I'll be back to posting more regularly after I relearn how to read and write. 

Happy New Year and don't forget to wear your helmets!