Sunday, November 9, 2008

Hitting on women makes you a douchebag, right?

I have never been one to approach random girls and hit on them. All of the significant girlfriends I have had in my life have either been introduced to me by friends or have been the one to initiate contact or conversation with me.

Yes, I am that awesome and really, really ridiculously good looking.

No. No I'm not. But anyway...

The other night my friend Joey and I were out his girlfriend's bar (where she waits/tends bar) watching football and drinking and these two guys came in and starting drooling over these two girls at the bar. They were acting so douchebaggy (its my word of the week, so deal with it), so cheesy, and just all over these poor girls. They saddled up behind their seats at the bar and looked, well, just douchie. They were trying so hard to look cool in front of these two women.

Now maybe these two girls (women, whatever) were out looking for guys to hit on them and they really enjoyed the whole scene. But maybe they were just out trying to have fun and talk to one another at a bar. Maybe they work with these guys and they all had planned to meet there and hang out while these two guys made their best attempt at getting crowned King of the Douchebags. But it looked like two pairs of strangers, two douchie guys and two hot girls.

By the way, if you guys are reading this, your crowns are available for pick up anytime.

But I digress.

I just am not one of those guys who can just slide up to a random lady at a bar and start gabbing away and try to bag her, because we all know the only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show (thanks Ron!) and I have muscles like a six-year-old girl. A really hairy, fat six-year-old girl. With no muscles.

I guess I have never considered myself witty enough or attractive enough to approach exceptionally attractive women at random - but let's face it, I am definitely witty enough! Oh!

No. No I'm not.

I just feel like women (women worth talking to anyway) are smart enough to see through that whole thing. Particularly in NYC, how many guys approach a cute girl or cute girls at a bar in one night? So many. Too many. Well, it looks like a lot anyway.

But do they care? Do women go out looking for that? Is that something they enjoy? Is that just all part of the game?

(That is a legitimate question; so if you are a female and have the answer, or any answers, please feel free to fill me in. I am so clueless)

Because if so, that whole 'the ones worth talking to are too smart to deal with it' thing is so out the window and I have been making that excuse for ever because, well, I am just a wimpy little introverted bitch who is afraid of women.

Well, wait. That's actually kind of true, I am afraid of women. They are so scary with their boobies and the power to say "no" to bad sex with overweight, hairy dudes. Fucking bitches.

I don't know. I just feel like you have to be so egotistical to approach a woman like that (or maybe you just have to be cool enough, which clearly I ain't). Maybe it's my wholesome Midwest upbringing (or the fact that thus far in life I haven't had to try that hard and have been blessed with really cool and unbelievably disproportionately hot girlfriends who have all tried harder than me to meet. Seriously, I am so awesome. You guys want to come over and look at pictures of me and talk about how awesome I am?) but I just feel like any woman worth meeting has to be above all very intelligent; but also super hot, funny, and willing to try anything sexually (read: have sex with me). Well, three out of four anyway.

And any girl who is smart enough to be fortunate enough to date me (and enjoy the 3-3.5 seconds of frustrating sex 2-9 times a day) has to be too smart to see through the whole 'getting hit on by a random dude at a bar' thing. Right?

Now, don't get me wrong. I have done it, I have hit on girls before, I am a guy after all. A dirty, sex-fiendy guy who cares more about getting... nevermind.

A few times in my life, mostly when I have been very, very, very drunk I have done it. I have indeed hit on some strangers at a bar or wherever (women, smartass... Well, mostly). But I normally can't bring myself to do it. I am just that classy.

No. No I'm not.

I am probably just too childish and afraid.

The few women I have met at a bar and ended up dating all initiated the conversation with me (again, how fucking much do I rule?). And I don't want it to seem like I don't meet people when I go out, because I am usually outgoing enough to talk to people I don't know, women even, and have a good time with new people. Often. Sometimes. Occassionally.

It's the intention that counts here people. That's what I'm getting at. Maybe I have too much integrity (ha, I made myself laugh there), but approaching a random woman with the intention of anything less than pure seems so sleazy to me.

And by pure, I mean with the intention of playing checkers together and having apple pie - maybe some soda and having her home by 8:30.

Am I the only guy who feels like this?

I know, I totally am. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Do I totally need to man up and do it every time I go out? Am I missing out on meeting some really cool people? Or do I just feel like I need to approach the randos because other guys do it? I know I am on a quest for ultimate douchebaggery and this could be an important step in that quest, but I have principles here.

No. No I don't.

Wow, I am such a pussy.


  1. This has maybe possibly inspired me to write a similar post put from my perspective. I for one hate getting hit on randomly, and in the last 3 months I would have to say I have been hit on more than the entirety of my life. So what does this do for the poor chaps who decide to hit on me, honestly puts me in a slightly pissy mood.

    Don't just sidle up and drop a line thinking like magic its going to reel me in, make conversation be funny, show me you have some brains, if after talking for a while you think I'm worth hitting on, go for it. I may or may not respond with my number. But at least I will be more amenable to giving it up. The number...not sex. Get your mind out of the gutter ;-)

  2. I agree with Jossie. I hate being hit on randomly, especially in clubs or bars. I go out to have fun with my friends, not to get drooled over by some drunk idiot who thinks he has what it takes. I may be in a bar, but that doesn't mean I want to be treated like a ho. (To put it bluntly). I personally find it insulting when a guy comes up with the assumption that I'm going to hook up with him. If he's that confident with his skills then he's obviously succeeded more times than I'd care to know or find out.

  3. Jossie - Where does one draw the line between making conversation and being funny, and hitting on someone? I asked for answers here. Be specific.

    And I'm glad I could "maybe possibly" inspire someone. Finally!

    Zen - I disagree. Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but when a random girl comes up and hits on me at a bar/club I am stoked. Especially if she has "succeeded" a lot.

  4. Darling, you asked for specifics, my wish is your command.

    The proper way to hit on me (as I can't vouch for anyone else) is to walk up and casually insinuate yourself into the conversation. Catch bits and pieces and eventually join in...if someone starts chatting with me and my friends we will 9 times out of 10 welcome the new opinion. As long as conversation has been had for at least 20 minutes, at least! then I don't mind it eventually transitioning into flirting and asking for numbers or buying me a drink etc.

    My issue with being hit on is when a guy blatantly interrupts a conversation with me and my friends and just goes in for the kill or if I am alone and he just starts fully trying to pick me up without actually having said one word to me.

    Would you like more detail or is that enough?

    I think I will write that post, you have given me a lot of food for thought. And maybe some inspiration...but I don't really want to confirm that because I know it will just go straight to your head.

  5. Jossie - Thank you. Just so you know, I've printed this and will be reading it to myself while I eavesdrop on women at bars and such.

    And write that post, I want to read the other side of this coin.

  6. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Such an interesting post! Okay... where do I begin?
    To be short and sweet: Any kind of lady/gal/chick (what ever you want to call us...) with intelligence and class wants to be treated with some R.E.S.P.E.C.T! Does she want to be hit on? HELL NO. Now if your asking does she want to be noticed by a potential great guy who is clever, confident and slick enough to approach her to get to know her then ABSOLUTELY YES!
    Being "hit on" to any woman with some dignity usually translates into guys trying to be all over her, saying sweet nasties to her that completely turn her OFF, being catcalled up close or from a distance (the *psssst psssssst* whispers are my #1 pet peave.....) Trust me, women are not turned on or impressed by loser guys who do that. My guess is that they are just so lame that they feel like they have to "show hard" in this cheese ass way to get our attention. OH YEAH... it gets our attention but there is no way in hell that things would ever progress further.
    Don't get me wrong, there are ladies out there who are on a different wave length who will thrive on ANY attention that a man will throw her way... even if they are gropping or bad talking. Those women have issue though. We are talking about hot ladies being "hit on" by a decent guy... whatever that means.

    The thing that a hot gal who is confident and charismatic (ahem... like myself) really appreciates is when a guy finds a way to honestly make her laugh. You will know from her body language and intuition if she is digging you. When you can make her laugh then its the gateway into finding out more (I'm talking about first encounters.. just meeting someone) You have to go on instinct on how to approach - it all depends on where you are what you are doing etc. But if you key in the right opportunity will present itself. Hot & cool gals love it when guys take a risk to speak/meet them. Whether they are attracted to them or not, its a compliment. You have nothing to lose. If they diss you... that is the worst that can happen... you never have to see them again. If they respond well to you then its up to the both of you to see where and how far it goes.

    Ah... I could write about it forever. I might just have to blog about it.
    Anyway, I thought I would put my $2 into the mix.

    Purple Vintage Space Princess

  7. Mammi - Wow, thanks. So, pretty much I'm right? I have never been one for cat calls and pick up lines (eww). And I only want to attract those confident and charismatic women who will appreciate a classy (albeit immature) guy like myself. Keying into the right opportunity to meet someone without it seeming like a pick-up is the hard part though. I'm not one for trying too hard at anything.