SNL

If you had told me a few days ago that someone would come along that would completely decimate the generic sounds of, I don't know, say, Nickelback or Bush, with an even less appealing and more generic sound, I would not have believed it to be possible.

Then I saw Saturday Night Live this weekend.

Wow. David Cook.

You, sir, have managed to create a look, a band, and a sound that are seemingly composed of the most cliché, generic, and stereotypically douchebaggy elements found in the lamest of lame. If for nothing else, good work on that. You have done that as well as can be done and if that was your goal, way to go man.

David, you managed to get your initials on your guitar to look cheesy (and, yes, people like Stevie Ray Vaughn and Eric Clapton had their initials on their guitars. But David Cook is not in the same ballpark as SRV or Eric Clapton. Shit, he isn’t playing the same game), and a lead guitar player with sleevey tattoos who rips that one bad riff over and over until you want to karate chop yourself in the throat. You also managed to fill out the rest of the band full of guys who dress like the most wannabe, hipster/indie kids possible to play songs that are (hopefully) written by guys in a boardroom. (If those songs are yours, then, um… well, bummer dude).

The whole thing is unfortunate because this guy actually has a good voice and could wail on some cool shit. Seriously. Probably. But the stuff he played on SNL tonight made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. Or maybe it was the three-day birthday/Halloween bender I went on that began it’s wind-down stage during SNL.

But probably the music.

Are all American Idol winners on this same path? Playing lame-o, generic, shitty music that seems pre-fabricated for an undiscerning pop audience? Who are the other winners and what are they doing now? Seriously, I don't really watch the show, what are they up to?

(He won, right? The other guy totally should’ve won – the kid who sang the John Lennon song? Amazing. And I don’t watch the show very often at all. But I did see that kid absolutely shred “Imagine”)

I also want to point out that after a long, long hiatus from coolness and funniness SNL has been on fire lately. I’m not sure if you’ve been watching much of it recently, but they have been just slaying it. The fake news and a bunch of the Digital Shorts (Andy Samberg is a fucking comic genius) in particular have been great.

Mark Walberg talks to animals? Ridiculous.

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin? Ha! I would actually vote for Tina. Not so much for Sarah P. Even though shooting animals from helicopters is just the sort of reckless behavior I would expect and generally encourage from someone more skilled than me at leading the world (which she isn’t) I have alcoholic friends who are more prepared for the Vice Presidency than she is.

Andy Samberg as Ras Trent? I peed on myself after the 400^th time I watched this. I think I did Phish tour AND went to college with that guy.

The Weekend Update (fake news) with Seth and Amy? Really? I realize that they’re in a banner year for material with the election and all, but they are doing a great job of making it funnier than it has been for a while.

Uh, Giraffes? This song was hilarious and it was actually BETTER than the David Cook stuff.

I also want to point out that John McCain was on SNL tonight and was pretty damn funny. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t vote for the guy. But thank god he hasn’t made a public appearance (other than that roast) that has been half as funny or as real as his SNL stint tonight or he may not be the underdog in this election. At least his moment of being a real, funny-type guy at the roast wasn’t watched by anyone who hadn’t already decided who they were going to vote for. McCain tonight was funny; he made fun of himself and was apparently pretty cool with this. That being said, vote for Obama on Tuesday. Or else. That’s real. We will all be totally fucked with McSame/Palin in the White House.

In summary, SNL rules lately, David Cook is a douchebag, and McCain is still a douchebag, but slightly less of one (in my opinion) than he was a yesterday.

Say hi to your mutha for me.